All about appearances. Even if whatever's goin' on behind the scenes could hardly be described as perfect.
[ her gaze briefly drops to where he's spinning that ring around his finger, partly because she's always had an attraction to shiny things but also because that fidgeting pings something in her psychiatrist senses. ]
You find somewhere to put that stress, then? Or... just let it bottle up inside you?
[If that's what you call shooting up a high school, eventually. Along with a myriad of crimes post-death of which there really hasn't yet been a total and succinct tally. Tate keeps spinning the ring on his finger, slow turns, before he flips his hand over to bare his wrist - moving aside his sleeve to briefly show a faded set of scars. Then he looks to her face to gauge her reaction.]
Hurt myself and maybe others. Once it's bottled up it like that, it has to come out - right?
[ her gaze drops at the shift of movement in her periphery, and she doesn't openly react to the view of scars or where they're rendered into his skin. scars are scars are scars, even if she knows enough to put two and two together about how he must've gotten these. ]
Well, if you're shovin' it down for long enough. [ although she waits a beat before adding: ] You sure about that maybe? [ because to her it sounds more like other people might've gotten caught up in it too. ] Either they did or they didn't.
["I guess" being such an understatement. Tate hems for a second, before:]
Some people I didn't mean to - I was only trying to do what I thought was right, what'd work. Like my girlfriend, she didn't like a lot of the things I did. But I did most of them for her, y'know?
Mmm. See, that's always gonna get you into trouble.
[ and it's definitely personal experience informing her perspective here, because she knows all about what violence performed as a declaration of love looks like. or what she thought was love at the time. of course it's always easier to tell when something might've been messed up once you're standing on the other side of it. ]
Doin' something for somebody else. Or saying that it was for someone else when really it mighta been more for you if you were well and truly honest with yourself. Which, okay, it's tougher to be honest with yourself about that kinda thing.
[His voice quiets in the question, but he's honing in on her words and how true they are - his most negative traits all seem to center around being self-centered. Even if he told himself, and believed it himself, that it was all selfless as could be.]
I really loved her - I wouldn't have ever hurt her, not intentionally. You don't do that to people you love. You're supposed to take care of them, right? I never wanted to be some jerkoff who couldn't think outside of himself.
Look at it this way. How would the whole thing have turned out if she hadn't even been in the picture to start with?
[ she can't say she wouldn't have become harley quinn if she'd never met the joker, because maybe some of that inner nature had been inside her all along, but it definitely wouldn't have happened that way. then again, sometimes you gotta go through it and come out the other side before you really come around to being the person you were always supposed to be. ]
Love doesn't always keep us from hurtin' the people we care about. Even if we don't want to. [ her own voice has softened, even if she might not necessarily be aware of it. ] The difference is between the people who delude themselves into thinkin' that love makes up for what they did wrong, and the ones who accept that they're gonna fuck up sometimes. 'Cause love doesn't have to be perfect, with a white picket fence and lots of chubby little babies. It just has to be honest.
I think she would've been worse off... she was having a real hard time, even before she met me. Parents who were hard on her - or worse, really, they didn't even really care about her. But I did.
[Selfish as ever, Tate thinks that's a good as any explanation of getting involved with Violet. He cared about her, he helped her - he certainly didn't make things intentionally worse by only really caring about her when he thought he could benefit from her love and affection over that of his last devoted-to woman of the house. Ahem.
He picks at a loose thread on his sleeve, and feels a bit cowed by her words:]
I like they way you say it, I believe that. I want that? If she was still here, I'd promise all the honesty I could.
[ she'd mostly been asking in reference to him, how he would've been changed if their paths had never crossed and whether he would've felt compelled to do exactly what he did if he hadn't had that motivation.
but it says something all on its own, to her, that his mind had run to thinking about it in terms of that girl, instead. ]
She was here? For how long?
[ she brings it up casually, not like she's fishing for more information, but because it'll probably keep him talking. someone who means that much, there are certain things that you can't help but share. ]
[Tate acts a bit surprised by it, thinking of how he's almost been here for two whole years. He hasn't changed much but he has experienced a lot he wouldn't have, had he never left the House. He feels a bit guilty thinking about Violet then, like somehow he might've forgotten her as time went on - and his obsessions hopped around from person to person. But if she came back he knows he'd hone back in on her. For selfish reasons, primarily.]
She was mad at me at the time so we didn't really... talk a lot, which kinda hurt. But then she just disappeared like a lot of people. Before I could make things right.
So that's what you would try and do if, say, she showed up again right now. Make things right.
[ obviously she doesn't know the full history here, save the fact that clearly there is history that exists, and even thinking about how messy it can get if somebody's been brought in from a different point in time or anything like that... it's enough to make your head spin.
it briefly occurs to her to ask something else, though, since he's made a point to mention it out loud. ] Did you know what she was mad at you for?
I lied a bit - I mean, more like I just kept some of the truth from her. It was to protect her.
[He says that with a brief deflection of his gaze, before rounding back to Harley. He's not sure how in depth he can go about this to explain and justify his angle, considering the elements of his story are deeply supernatural and more than a dash psychotic but. He feels compelled to have her understand his side, still seeking approval.]
[ and that's the truth, isn't it? even as she says it with a casual shrug, a quick hunch and drop of both shoulders — maybe her perspective about this is a little more biased than it should be, given how she's supposed to be coming at this from a certain angle as a psychiatrist with a lapsed license and blah blah blah. ]
Whether it's a little white lie to spare someone's feelings or... maybe keepin' more of a secret because the truth would be harder for them to know. That does not make you a bad person.
[ and she ducks her head to look at him, making sure that part is getting across loud and clear. ] Okay?
[He admits in a semi-sullen tone, coaxed to look at her when she ducks her head - dark eyes focusing on her before he gives a little nod. He'll take the chance to explain away his bullshit, and will lean on the potential out to change the subject too.]
So you'll keep me on as a patient, even if I'm a dirty liar and a bit more than fucked up in the head?
[Wryly quirking his lips, trying to make light of all that. And to ensure she's not going to ditch him.]
You kiddin'? You're like a dream patient, if anything.
[ which might seem kind of brutally honest to say, but she is nothing if not upfront and definitely not the type of person to choose her words. besides, his issues are the type of issues she likes — deep-seated and real complicated, and usually unpacked with time.
really, you think she identified the source of all of roman sionis' daddy issues and subconscious need to assert himself over women because of his own emasculation in a day?
she leans forward, gently bumping her shoulder into his. ]
[Tate smiles - evidently pleased, very much so, shooting her a faux-shy side glance and bumping his shoulder back up against hers. He's starting to think this therapy thing might stand a chance now, either as some real help to sort out his head (less likely,) or a good excuse to have time with her and see if he can looking into hers as well.]
I guess that's it for now. I'll bring something juicy to our next session?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ her gaze briefly drops to where he's spinning that ring around his finger, partly because she's always had an attraction to shiny things but also because that fidgeting pings something in her psychiatrist senses. ]
You find somewhere to put that stress, then? Or... just let it bottle up inside you?
no subject
[If that's what you call shooting up a high school, eventually. Along with a myriad of crimes post-death of which there really hasn't yet been a total and succinct tally. Tate keeps spinning the ring on his finger, slow turns, before he flips his hand over to bare his wrist - moving aside his sleeve to briefly show a faded set of scars. Then he looks to her face to gauge her reaction.]
Hurt myself and maybe others. Once it's bottled up it like that, it has to come out - right?
no subject
[ her gaze drops at the shift of movement in her periphery, and she doesn't openly react to the view of scars or where they're rendered into his skin. scars are scars are scars, even if she knows enough to put two and two together about how he must've gotten these. ]
Well, if you're shovin' it down for long enough. [ although she waits a beat before adding: ] You sure about that maybe? [ because to her it sounds more like other people might've gotten caught up in it too. ] Either they did or they didn't.
no subject
["I guess" being such an understatement. Tate hems for a second, before:]
Some people I didn't mean to - I was only trying to do what I thought was right, what'd work. Like my girlfriend, she didn't like a lot of the things I did. But I did most of them for her, y'know?
no subject
[ and it's definitely personal experience informing her perspective here, because she knows all about what violence performed as a declaration of love looks like. or what she thought was love at the time. of course it's always easier to tell when something might've been messed up once you're standing on the other side of it. ]
Doin' something for somebody else. Or saying that it was for someone else when really it mighta been more for you if you were well and truly honest with yourself. Which, okay, it's tougher to be honest with yourself about that kinda thing.
no subject
[His voice quiets in the question, but he's honing in on her words and how true they are - his most negative traits all seem to center around being self-centered. Even if he told himself, and believed it himself, that it was all selfless as could be.]
I really loved her - I wouldn't have ever hurt her, not intentionally. You don't do that to people you love. You're supposed to take care of them, right? I never wanted to be some jerkoff who couldn't think outside of himself.
no subject
[ she can't say she wouldn't have become harley quinn if she'd never met the joker, because maybe some of that inner nature had been inside her all along, but it definitely wouldn't have happened that way. then again, sometimes you gotta go through it and come out the other side before you really come around to being the person you were always supposed to be. ]
Love doesn't always keep us from hurtin' the people we care about. Even if we don't want to. [ her own voice has softened, even if she might not necessarily be aware of it. ] The difference is between the people who delude themselves into thinkin' that love makes up for what they did wrong, and the ones who accept that they're gonna fuck up sometimes. 'Cause love doesn't have to be perfect, with a white picket fence and lots of chubby little babies. It just has to be honest.
no subject
[Selfish as ever, Tate thinks that's a good as any explanation of getting involved with Violet. He cared about her, he helped her - he certainly didn't make things intentionally worse by only really caring about her when he thought he could benefit from her love and affection over that of his last devoted-to woman of the house. Ahem.
He picks at a loose thread on his sleeve, and feels a bit cowed by her words:]
I like they way you say it, I believe that. I want that? If she was still here, I'd promise all the honesty I could.
no subject
but it says something all on its own, to her, that his mind had run to thinking about it in terms of that girl, instead. ]
She was here? For how long?
[ she brings it up casually, not like she's fishing for more information, but because it'll probably keep him talking. someone who means that much, there are certain things that you can't help but share. ]
no subject
[Tate acts a bit surprised by it, thinking of how he's almost been here for two whole years. He hasn't changed much but he has experienced a lot he wouldn't have, had he never left the House. He feels a bit guilty thinking about Violet then, like somehow he might've forgotten her as time went on - and his obsessions hopped around from person to person. But if she came back he knows he'd hone back in on her. For selfish reasons, primarily.]
She was mad at me at the time so we didn't really... talk a lot, which kinda hurt. But then she just disappeared like a lot of people. Before I could make things right.
no subject
[ obviously she doesn't know the full history here, save the fact that clearly there is history that exists, and even thinking about how messy it can get if somebody's been brought in from a different point in time or anything like that... it's enough to make your head spin.
it briefly occurs to her to ask something else, though, since he's made a point to mention it out loud. ] Did you know what she was mad at you for?
no subject
[He says that with a brief deflection of his gaze, before rounding back to Harley. He's not sure how in depth he can go about this to explain and justify his angle, considering the elements of his story are deeply supernatural and more than a dash psychotic but. He feels compelled to have her understand his side, still seeking approval.]
It wasn't an easy choice to make, either.
no subject
[ and that's the truth, isn't it? even as she says it with a casual shrug, a quick hunch and drop of both shoulders — maybe her perspective about this is a little more biased than it should be, given how she's supposed to be coming at this from a certain angle as a psychiatrist with a lapsed license and blah blah blah. ]
Whether it's a little white lie to spare someone's feelings or... maybe keepin' more of a secret because the truth would be harder for them to know. That does not make you a bad person.
[ and she ducks her head to look at him, making sure that part is getting across loud and clear. ] Okay?
no subject
[He admits in a semi-sullen tone, coaxed to look at her when she ducks her head - dark eyes focusing on her before he gives a little nod. He'll take the chance to explain away his bullshit, and will lean on the potential out to change the subject too.]
So you'll keep me on as a patient, even if I'm a dirty liar and a bit more than fucked up in the head?
[Wryly quirking his lips, trying to make light of all that. And to ensure she's not going to ditch him.]
no subject
[ which might seem kind of brutally honest to say, but she is nothing if not upfront and definitely not the type of person to choose her words. besides, his issues are the type of issues she likes — deep-seated and real complicated, and usually unpacked with time.
really, you think she identified the source of all of roman sionis' daddy issues and subconscious need to assert himself over women because of his own emasculation in a day?
she leans forward, gently bumping her shoulder into his. ]
Takes more'n that to scare me off.
no subject
[Tate smiles - evidently pleased, very much so, shooting her a faux-shy side glance and bumping his shoulder back up against hers. He's starting to think this therapy thing might stand a chance now, either as some real help to sort out his head (less likely,) or a good excuse to have time with her and see if he can looking into hers as well.]
I guess that's it for now. I'll bring something juicy to our next session?